Jokes

Euro Crisis

funny cat It is a slow day in a small Greek village, the rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are hard, everybody is in debt and living on credit.

On this particular day a German tourist stops at the one hotel and lays a 100€ note on the counter telling the owner he wants to inspect his rooms in order to pick one to spend the night.

The hotelier gives him some keys and as soon as the German has walked upstairs the hotelier grabs the 100€ note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the 100€ note and runs down the street to pay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the 100€ note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The owner of the Farmer's Coop takes the 100€ note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the tavern. The owner of the tavern slips the note along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar who has been giving him her "services" on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the 100€ note. The hotelier then replaces the note on the counter so the German will suspect nothing.

At that moment the tourist comes down the stairs, picks up the note, states that none of the rooms are satisfactory, pockets the money and leaves.

The bottom line, No one made anything, no one earned anything, no one sold anything and no one bought anything. However the the whole village is now out of debt and looking forward with optimism to the future.

Lesson Number 1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number 2

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Number 3

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain. The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson:

You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

Lesson Number 4

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:

1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

How to Start a Fight

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."